2025 Shadynasty’s Season Preview
By: DatBoiFuzz
Greetings, gentlemen. It’s your Champ, back again with another season preview. This year I have included a couple new features, including playoff/title odds and the redraft ranks for all relevant players in this upcoming season. Both data sets are pulled from FantasyCalc, so any complaints can be directed at them. All other complaints, as always, can be sent to the support staff at meatspin.com. Good luck to all.
Tier 1: The Favorites
1. Belmont Bukakke
Has own ’26 1st: No
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 2nd/3rd
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 78%/25%
QB: (Elite) Lamar Jackson(2), Kyler Murray(15), Michael Penix(19)
RB: (Elite) Derrick Henry(4), Christian McCaffrey(5), Kenneth Walker(18), Quinshon Judkins(29), Nick Chubb(38)
WR: (Elite) Justin Jefferson(2), Malik Nabers(5), Mike Evans(18), Calvin Ridley(29), Luther Burden(53)
TE: (Elite) George Kittle(3), Evan Engram(10)
Overall: With a roster filled with high end talent and solid depth at every position, the Bukakke are primed for another deep playoff run. Fuck, this team is impressive. If I were to look for a chink in the armour, it would be the RBs. McCaffrey, Walker, and Chubb are all coming off injury riddled seasons, Henry turns 32 this season, and who knows what we are getting out of Judkins this year. Still, if even two of those guys can be productive each week, it’s going to be hard to keep pace with this team.
2. West Carrollton Wimps
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 1st/1st
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 69%/17%
QB: (Elite) Josh Allen(1), Bo Nix(7), Matthew Stafford(27)
RB: (Good) Bijan Robinson(1), Breece Hall(16), Issac Guerendo(46), Braelon Allen(51), Jerome Ford(52)
WR: (Elite) Jamarr Chase(1), Davante Adams(21), Xavier Worthy(28), Chris Olave(36), Cooper Kupp(42), Josh Downs(50)
TE: (Elite) Brock Bowers(1), Tucker Kraft(13)
Overall: It’s hard to fathom that the team with the top ranked player AT EACH POSITION is not the #1 team entering the year, but here we are. RB depth is the biggest question mark on this roster, as the Wimps seem to be playing injury roulette with a ton of backups on the roster just waiting for the incumbent to go down. With all of their 1sts still in the bank, don’t be surprised to see the Wimps dangle them around to find some depth mid season in their bid for a third ring.
Tier 2: The Spoilers
3. Wiesbaden Wischers
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 8th/2nd
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 67%/16%
QB: (Good) JJ McCarthy(17), Justin Fields(20), Sam Darnold(26)
RB: (Elite) Jahmyr Gibbs(2), Bucky Irving(10), Kyren Williams(12), Chubb Hubbard(19), Rachaad White(47), Dylan Sampson(54), Ollie Gordon(52), Tyler Allgeier(55),
WR: (Good) Nico Collins(6), George Pickens(29), Matthew Golden(40), Kahlil Shakir(44), Josh Palmer(64)
TE: (Mediocre) Mark Andrews(8)
Overall: After years in the basement, the RB whisperer finds himself firmly in the playoff race, led by maybe the best position group of any team. That’s not to say this team is bulletproof, though. The QB group has a ton of potential but it’s hard to feel confident in any of them at this point. Darren made a big swing at TE with Mark Andrews, but Andrews’ best days may be behind him, and there is no good second option. Everything seemed to come together for the Wieshers last year in route to a 2nd place finish; can this team do it again?
4. Dayton Doughboys
Has own ’26 1st: No
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 3rd/4th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 54%/7%
QB: (Good) Jordan Love(12), Tua Tungavalovia(25), Russell Wilson(30)
RB: (Good) Devon Achane(7), Isiah Pacheco(25), Tony Pollard(26), Aaron Jones(27), Travis Etienne(30), Zach Charbonet(35), Trey Benson(44)
WR: (Elite) Ceedee Lamb(3), Garrett Wilson(16), Courtland Sutton(22), Jaylen Waddle(30), Ricky Pearsall(41), Darnell Mooney(52)
TE: (Mediocre) Dalton Kincaid(14), Zach Ertz(20), Darren Waller(25)
Overall: Depth, depth, depth. A lot of depth. Maybe too much depth. When is this team going to grow some balls, push all the chips in and overpay for some STUDS? Regardless, the Doughboys are in a good spot and should be a playoff team.
5. Anna Apollos
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 4th/7th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 61%/12%
QB: (Good) Drake Maye(13), Jared Goff(16), Geno Smith(27), Anthony Richardson(30)
RB: (Elite) Saquon Barkley(3), Jonathon Taylor(9), RJ Harvey(21), Joe Mixon(22)
WR: (Good) Tee Higgins(12), Devonta Smith(26), Jerry Jeudy(38), Deebo Samuel(45), Marvin Mims(57), Xavier Legette(67)
TE: (Mediocre) Kyle Pitts(11), Isaiah Likely(21)
Overall: This is just a rock-fucking-solid roster, with tons of depth and a smattering of high end upside. The Apollos have been a bottom feeder for Shadynastys’ entire run, with zero playoffs appearances and the league’s worst winning percentage at .330. This should be the year that nightmare streak ends.
Tier 3: Clusterfuck Middle
6. Cassella Cucks
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 9th/5th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 49%/6%
QB: (Good) Dak Prescott(9), Brock Purdy(10), Joe Flacco(NR)
RB: (Mediocre) James Cook(14), James Conner(20), JK Dobbins(32), Rhamondre Stevenson(39)
WR: (Mediocre) AJ Brown(10), DJ Moore(23), Chris Godwin(34), Jakobi Meyers(40)
TE: (Poor) Jonnu Smith(16)
Overall: This is a roster with three or four blue chippers that would start for most any team, and then a bunch of “meh.” The good news is that they might be good enough to make the playoffs, especially if some of these question marks hit. Worse preseason rosters have made the playoffs. But where does this team go if they struggle? This is not a young roster (28.4 average age, 2nd oldest) that will retain value if they have disappointing seasons. If these assets go bust they are going to bust hard. A mid-season panic sell off (ala Kevin 2024) may be in the cards. But the most likely outcome is that this team hangs in the playoff race all season and finishes 7th and “if this one bullshit thing didn’t happen I would be in”, ect, ect. This is a team with a large range of outcomes.
7. Gem City Titties
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 12th/11th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 45%/5%
QB: (Good) Jalen Hurts(5), Bryce Young(22)
RB: (Poor) Treveyon Henderson(17), Jaylen Warren(34), Tyjae Spears(43), Jaydon Blue(53), Jaylen Wright(55)
WR: (Mediocre) Drake London(9), Rashee Rice(20), Michael Pittman(49), Rashod Bateman(59), Quentin Johnson(71), Dont’e Thornton(72)
TE: (Good) Sam LaPorta(4), Cade Otton(NR)
Overall: This is a good example of what patient team building can do. Delzeith took over this roster two full seasons ago and promptly stripped it down to the studs, and he must be itching to start making back some of his investment. With young players all over the place and plenty of draft capital in the bank, the arrow is clearly pointing up for the Titties. Dare they dream of the playoffs this year? Bateman, Otton, Spears, and Christian Watson were all acquired via trade this offseason, cheap dart throws seemingly aimed at raising the floor of the team. If they start out hot, don’t be surprised to see a splashy move for a vet and an honest push for the playoffs. If not, one more year adding highly drafted rookies (four picks in the top 28 for 2026) should put this team firmly in contention moving forward.
8. Oakwood Golden Gods
Has own ’26 1st: No
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 10th/6th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 38%/3%
QB: (Poor) Baker Mayfield(7), Spencer Rattler(NR)
RB: (Good) Josh Jacobs(8), Alvin Kamara(15), Tyrone Tracy(33), Bill Crosky-Merritt(45), Austin Ekeler(48), Bhayshul Tuten(57)
WR: (Mediocre) Ladd McConkey(11), Tyreek Hill(13), Jayden Reed(47), Keenan Allen(55), Kyle Williams(60), Adam Thelien(62)
TE: (Good) Travis Kelce(6), Mike Gesicki(24), Dalton Schultz(NR)
Overall: QB2 is the elephant in the room here. Hoping Spencer Rattler can win the starting job for maybe the worst offense in the league does not inspire a lot of confidence. Actually, maybe not having the next two 1sts is the elephant in the room for the Golden Gods, as it’s going to be hard to find a real QB2 without them. To make matters worse, this is the oldest team in the league (28.8 average age), with several elderly studs (Kamara, Hill, Ekeler, Thelien, Kelce) very close to being put out to pasture. In short, I would describe the management of this team somewhere between “optimistic” and “reckless”, and this is our best candidate to be the next Logger, aka a scorched Earth tear down for scraps, which is not where you want to be when you don’t have a 1st round pick until 2028. For this year at least, the Golden Gods might make the playoffs.
9. Burrow of Brooklyn
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 7th/9th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 35%/3%
QB: (Mediocre) Joe Burrow(4), Tyler Shough(NR)
RB: (Poor) David Montgomery(23), Najee Harris(42), Ray Davis(50)
WR: (Good) Amon-Ra St. Brown(4), Terry McLaurin(17), Zay Flowers(31), Rome Odunze(35), Stefon Diggs(39),
TE: (Good) Tyler Warren(7), Dallas Goedert(17)
Overall: Has this team ever had a QB2? It’s been a constant problem over the years, and Tyler Shough is just the latest attempt to plug that massive hole. I wish him luck. Past that persistent problem is the RB issue. Maybe Montgomery and Harris can be closer to 1b’s for their teams than RB2’s, but both are working with (behind?) younger, more talented teammates, and their best years are likely behind them. This roster is certainly not without talent, but when I think of the Burrow of Brooklyn I always think “middle of the pack”, and that’s exactly where I have them.
10. Chickasaw Chafed Chodes
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 6th/8th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 28%/2%
QB: (Poor) Trevor Lawrence(21), Daniel Jones(NR), Jaxon Dart(NR)
RB: (Poor) Chase Brown(11), Tank Bigsby(41)
WR: (Good) Puka Nacua(6), Travis Hunter(24), Jameson Williams(27), Emeka Egbuka(33), Jack Beach(64), Hollywood Brown(65)
TE: (Elite) Trey McBride(2), TJ Hockenson(5)
Overall: The Great Chafed Chodes Fire Sale of 2024 surprised me as much as anybody. Reexamining it with an offseason of hindsight, it appears to be the sharp move, with Hunter and Egbuka looking like potential cornerstones for years to come, as well as a treasure trove of future picks. This team has no RB depth and a flimsy QB room at best, so I think the intention here is to tank another year. But if things go right, this team could easily find itself in the playoff race at midseason.
Tier 4: Bottom Feeders
11. Centerville Cheekburgers
Has own ’26 1st: No
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 13th/13th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 17%/1%
QB: (Good) Jayden Daniels(3), CJ Stroud(17)
RB: (Poor) Omarion Hampton(13)
WR: (Poor) Jordan Addison(45), Jayden Higgins(54), Rashid Shaheed(56), Christian Kirk(61)
TE: (Poor) Brenton Strange(18), Hunter Henry(21)
Overall: Oof, this is not the roster you want when you don’t own your 1st round pick. As far as rebuilds go, I think this team is on the right track. Most teams would kill to have this QB room, and Hampton should be a plus starter for a good long while. But this team lacks impact players outside of those three, and the depth isn’t good either. I suppose Jim wants to avoid the 1.01 without his pick (owned by Logger), so I’ll put him at the top of this tier, but he might not be able to help but be terrible.
12. Mason Minutemen
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 5th/12th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 22%/1%
QB: (Good) Pat Mahomes(6), Cam Ward(23), Deshaun Watson(NR)
RB: (Mediocre) D’andre Swift(24), Kaleb Johnson(29), Javonte Williams(37), Rico Dowdle(58)
WR: (Poor) DK Metcalf(19), Brandon Ayuik(46), Tre Harris(58), Pop Douglas(67)
TE: (Shit) Luke Musgrave(NR)
Overall: Finally we have arrived at our first team that is 100% tanking. After years of contender status, the Minutemen appear fully committed to the rebuild, despite multiple high value vets still on the roster. Don’t be surprised to see Metcalf, Aiyuk, Swift, Williams, and maybe even Mahomes get moved by midseason in a bid for the 1.01. Until then, I still have two teams more miserable than Jerry’s.
13. St. Henry Scallywags
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 11th/12th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 32%/3%
QB: (Mediocre) Justin Herbert(11), Aaron Rodgers(29)
RB: (Shit) Brian Robinson(33), Jordan Mason(36), Cam Scattebo(38), Blake Corum(56)
WR: (Mediocre) Jaxon Smith-Njigba(14), Marvin Harrison Jr.(15), Jauan Jennings(48), Keon Coleman(51)
TE: (Mediocre) David Njoku(10), Terrance Ferguson(NR)
Overall: Herbert, JSN, and MHJ are all highly valued (yet mostly disappointing) assets, but after them? *Fart noise* The good news is that this team isn’t so mismanaged that they traded away their picks, but with a roster this barebones you would expect at least one extra 1st or 2nd rounder, and it’s just not there. This team is fairly young but needs a lot of work (and probably luck) to get back to something resembling contention.
14. WrightPatt Chairforce
Has own ’26 1st: Yes
2024 Preseason rank / Finish: 14th/14th
Make Playoffs / Win Title: 6%/<1%
QB: (Poor) Caleb Williams(14), fifty dart throw backups
RB: (Poor) Ashton Jeanty(7)
WR: (Mediocre) Brian Thomas Jr.(7), Teteroia McMillan(25), Cedrick Tillman(68), WanDale Robinson(71)
TE: (Mediocre) Coleston Loveland(11), Turd Ferguson(15), Chig Okonkwo(23)
Overall: An impressive 3rd straight year at the bottom! The good news is that a light can finally be seen at the end of the tunnel. Slowly but surely the massive holes in this roster are getting filled out with exciting young players, Jeanty and Loveland being the latest. The bad news (I guess) is that the 1.01 is no longer a lock for the Chairforce, and it probably doesn’t make sense to ship off any of these young dart throws in midseason to shave off points. This team is headed in the right direction, and I would be shocked to see them in the bottom spot again next year.