1.01 – Dayton Doughboys

Trevor Lawrence – QB – Jacksonville Jaguars

Arguably one of the better QB prospects in years – his arm strength and accuracy only overshadowed by his gorgeous flowing locks and tree trunk of a neck. Lawrence will make an immediate impact for the Doughboys, who cleaned house and had a grand total of 0 QBs on their roster.

Grade: A+

1.02 – Dayton Doughboys

Justin Fields – QB – Chicago Bears

Using another top pick on a QB was the right move here for the Doughboys, but can a guy who looks like one of those 90’s troll toys beat out an Elite Andy Dalton for the starting gig in Chicago? There is also some debate as to whether or not Fields was the best option at QB on the board at this point, but time will tell.

Grade: B+

1.03 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Zach Wilson – QB – New York Jets

This guy is the QB equivalent of $GME – the ceiling is “the moon”, while the floor is “moving back into your parent’s basement”. To add even more volatility, Wilson goes to the Jets. They may have canned that sack of potatoes they called a head coach, but this team still lacks offensive talent.

Grade: B-

1.04 – West Carrolton Wimps

Trey Lance – QB – San Francisco 49ers

Trey Lance is a polarizing player – he posted ridiculous stats, but he did so against a collection of certified chodes. He lands in arguably the best spot for a QB with the 49ers, and will look to use his legs to produce additional fantasy points.

Grade: A

1.05 – West Carrolton Wimps

Ja’Marr Chase – WR – Cincinnati Bengals

The value of QBs in this league pushed all the skill positions down in this draft, and the Wimps got their selection of the bunch. Ja’Marr Chase joins back up with former LSU teammate Joe Burrow in Cincinnati after sitting out the 2020 season. He’s an absolute dog at the WR position, and should be a nice cornerstone for the Wimps for years to come.

Grade: A+

Pick 1.06 – Burrow of Brooklyn

Najee Harris – RB – Pittsburg Steelers

The Burrow really needs another QB not named Burrow on their roster. Problem is, 4 of them have already been taken. Instead of forcing the issue, they decide to go BPA and select the top RB in the draft.

Grade: A

Pick 1.07 – Dayton Doughboys

Kyle Pitts – TE – Atlanta Falcons

Many are already crowning Kyle Pitts as one of the top TE’s in the league. He possesses a ridiculous athletic profile and has the film to back it up. The issue? Tight ends typically take a few years to develop. Not to mention the litany of freak athlete tight ends in recent years that haven’t yet (or didn’t) pan out. So is he OJ Howard? …Noah Fant? …Vernon Davis? ……….The second coming of Jesus?

Grade: A

1.08 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Travis Etienne – RB – Jacksonville Jaguars

ETN seemed to be the consensus RB2 in this draft in terms of overall talent. However, he lands in Jacksonville (homer) and will be competing with 2020 UDFA darling James Robinson. The Chafed Chodes are in need of quality RBs, and ETN should have some level of production early on.

Grade: B+

1.09 – Dayton Doughboys

Javonte Williams – RB – Denver Broncos

With some top talent still available (PICK DEVONTA, YOU DUMB CUCK), the Doughboys decided to reach a little here and pick up a RB. Javonte seems to have the proper tools to eventually take over as a 3-down back, but Melvin Gordon is still in town for at least another season.

Grade: B-

1.10 – Anna Apollos

DeVonta Smith – WR – Philadelphia Eagles

The. Slim. Reaper. DeVonta straight up torched everyone in college football last year, shattering records and picking up awards left and right. How did he drop this far? Well, the man is the size of your average Corporate IT Administrator. Can he compete at the next level against stronger and faster competition?

Grade: A

1.11 – Dayton Doughboys

Rashod Batemon – WR – Baltimore Ravens

After forgetting DeVonta Smith was on the board, the Doughboys panic-draft a WR. Rashod Batemon is a fantastic football player, who imposed his will on the Big 10 throughout his career in Minnesota. However, he was drafted by the Ravens. Lamar Jackson only threw the ball 376 times last year, leaving opportunity scarce. He’ll need a big chunk of those targets to return 1^st round value.

But wait, it gets worse… There are some MAJOR medical red flags with Bateman. Although nothing has been officially diagnosed, Rashod is actually SHRINKING. Yes, that’s right – Benjamin Button has entered the NFL.

Official Height Measurements:

High School: 6’3”
College: 6’2”
Pro Day: 6’0”

Who knows how short this man may be by the start of the regular season…

Grade: F

1.12 – Centerville Cheekburgers

Mac Jones – QB – New England Patriots

The Cheekburgers trade up and get their guy. Mac Jones is definitely a guy who enjoys a sketchy strip club, and he will fit right in with the locker room attitude this Centerville team is attempting to cultivate. He may be sitting behind ole noodle arm Cam Newton for a year, but there’s some upside for Jones in the Bill Belichick system.

Grade: B+

1.13 – Burrow of Brooklyn

Jaylen Waddle – WR – Miami Dolphins

Brooklyn adds much needed talent to their barren WR room at 13. A high ankle sprain in 2020 turned Jaylen Waddle into “Jaylen Hobble” (amirite?). Despite missing the majority of last season, Waddle is a standout prospect with blazing speed.

Grade: B+

1.14 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Michael Carter – RB – New York Jets

The Chafed Chodes select another Jets player (setting up player “pipelines” from the Jets and Jags is a bold strategy). Michael Carter may not be the safest RB selection, but he doesn’t have a whole lot of competition in front of him and that level of opportunity in year 1 is the key here. He should have decent production as long as the Jets’ offense isn’t completely hot garbage in 2021.

Grade: B+

2.01 – Burrow of Brooklyn

Kenneth Gainwell – RB – Philadelphia Eagles

The Burrow of Burrow double down on drafting RBs – Gainwell is a bit undersized, yet very shifty. He also has a nice receiving skillset that should get him some 3^rd down work, however, it seems as if his upside is capped with Miles Sanders on the roster.

Grade: C

2.02 – Burrow of Brooklyn

Trey Sermon – RB – San Francisco 49ers

The Burrow of Burrow TRIPLE down on drafting RBs – Sermon shined in his limited opportunity last season, but it was enough for him to be taken higher than expected and end up in a historically productive 49ers backfield. If given enough touches, Trey should have no problem producing a decent fantasy output in his rookie season.

Grade B-

2.03 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Rondale Moore – WR – Arizona Cardinals

Short in stature, with an abundance of girth – the Chafed Chodes draft a chode at 2.03. Rondale Moore is thicc. His thiccness paired with an outstanding athletic profile should allow this tuna can of a man to thrive in the Kliff Kingsbury air raid offense.

Grade: B

2.04 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Kylin Hill – RB – Green Bay Packers

Immediately after getting nice value at 2.03, the Chafed Chodes front office took a trip to go rent an industrial sized crane to reach faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar down the list of available rookies and select one of the few semi-talented RBs remaining in Kylin Hill. With mediocre collegiate production and a sub-par athletic profile to match, Hill seems, overall, “K”. He was also drafted to the packers who just re-signed Aaron Jones and spent a 2^nd rounder last year on that pair of gorilla thighs they call a running back.

Grade: D

2.05 – Cassella Cucks

Terrance Marshall – WR – Carolina Panthers

LSU has produced some fantastic fantasy producing wide receivers over the past decade, and Terrance Marshall seems to have potential to be added to that list. He should step in as the WR3 in Carolina, giving the Cucks some good value here in the early-mid 2^nd round.

Grade: B

2.06 – Dayton Doughboys

Amon-Ra St. Brown – WR – Detroit Lions

St. Brown isn’t tall… he isn’t big… and he isn’t fast… yet, somehow he produced decent numbers at USC. On the positive side, he is only 21 years old and he landed with the Lions where he should be a starter from day 1.

Grade: C+

2.07 – Dayton Doughboys

Elijah Moore – WR – New York Jets

Ole Miss has had a ton of receiving talent come out in recent years, and Elijah Moore is certainly another bright spot from a horribly ran football program. Can he shine to the levels of former teammates AJ Brown and DK Metcalf? Or is he more of a Dante Moncrief?

Grade: B-

2.08 – West Carrolton Wimps

Dyami Brown – WR – Washington Football Team

The Wimps add a nice depth piece here at 2.08. Dyami Brown (insert name joke about being “dynamic”) went to The Football Team, where he will have an opportunity to crack the starting lineup.

Grade: B-

2.09 – Fairborn Fuckboys

Chuba Hubbard – RB – Carolina Panthers

“Ayyyo Chodes, lemme borrow that crane!” – the Fuckboys, prolly. After rushing for more than 2000 total yards in 2019, Chuba put up a complete stinker all of 2020. He goes to Carolina and will likely only be used if McCaffrey has lingering injury issues.

Grade: C-

2.10 – Centerville Cheekburgers

Tutu Atwell – WR – LA Rams

If DeVonta Smith is a Corporate IT Administrator, Tutu Atwell is a Horse Jockey. At only 5’9” and 155lbs, Tutu could use a few cheekburgers. He might get some opportunity with the Rams, but this seems like a questionable choice with the other WR talent still on the board.

Grade: C-

2.11 – Dayton Doughboys

Pat Freiermuth – TE – Pittsburg Steelers

The Doughboys go Tight End again at 2.11, and get decent value here with Freiermuth. He should be an upgrade from stone hands Ebron, however it may take some time for him to develop.

Grade: C+

2.12 – Oakwood Golden Gods

Brevin Jordan – TE – Houston Texans

Jordan didn’t have the most inspiring collegiate output, but he did go to the Texans where he will compete for the starting role. He doesn’t get open on speed alone, and he isn’t all that tall – in order to succeed at the next level, he will need to continue to improve his route running.

Grade: C

2.13 – Dayton Doughboys

Davis Mills – QB – Houston Texans

The Doughboys continue to grow their QB room in the late 2^nd round. Davis Mills only played in 14 games in his entire collegiate career, but he is a nice lottery ticket to have in the event that Watson really is that big of a creepy shit bag.

Grade: B-

2.14 – Cassella Cucks

Kadarius Toney – WR – New York Giants

While Toney may get cucked for initial playing time, the Cucks from Cassella got good value here. Kadarius is a raw talent, but also a fantastic athlete that showed hints of his abilities in his Senior year.

Grade: B

3.01 – Oakwood Golden Gods

Kyle Trask – QB – Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Lotta people thinking Matt Ryan will be gone after 2 years (48 million reasons why it’s going to be atleast 2 years) and with no guarantees that Darnold will be around after his 5th year option, picking up the heir apparent huck it chuck it football guy to tom brady that’s set to premier in two years was probably a pretty good idea. With Mills already off the board, this was probably the 2nd best QB in the 2nd tier, as far as opportunity goes. Just gotta hope that after all these 1 year contracts expire they don’t suck so hard to put them in range of a 2023 1st round qb.

Grade: B+

3.02 – Belmont Bukkake

Amari Rodgers – WR – Green Bay Packers

Draft 1: What kind of fucking idiot drafts Amari Rodgers when he already has bunches of funchess?

Grade: F

Draft 2: What do you get a man who has arguably 4 top 15 WRs? A WR who has 3rd round investment with the clear path to be the #2 WR for Jor–Aaron Rodgers .

Grade: A

3.03 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Javian Hawkins – RB – Atlanta Falcons

Drafted a UDFA over some people that have much higher draft capital left, but Mike Davis and some guy I don’t give a fuck about looking up the name of are the only RBs on this team. Opportunity trumps a lot of the negatives, so it could definitely be worse.

Also … J”avian hawk”ins.

Grade: B+

3.04 – Dayton Doughboys

Rhamondre Stevenson – RB – New England

Sony Michels knees.

Grade: A-

3.05 – West Carrollton Wimps

Nico Collins – WR – Houston Texans

If it wasn’t for Molesty McMolestyface molesting people this dude would be a second round pick (in fantasy). Opportunity, draft investment, the “alpha WR frame”. Pretty much a slam dunk in the 3rd round. Still needs more RB depth but at this point in the draft you’re getting future waiver wire drops for RBs.

Grade: A+

3.06 – Oakwood Golden Gods

D’Wayne Eskridge – RB – Seattle Seahawks

Who is this guy? I don’t know. Gonna be hard to get some serious opportunity playing third fiddle to Donkey Kong Metcalf and Tyler Lockett. But, he’s got a 2nd round draft investment and Seattle used 11 personnel 66% of the time last year … so that means something probably … or not.

Grade: B+

3.07 – St. Henry Scallywags

Ian Book – QB – New Orleans Saints

Finally, something to shit on. Why not Kellen Mond? Here’s my expert analysis: Ian Book? More like Ian Shit am I right? If this was picked in the mid to late 4th round, I’d be singing a different tune. If this was a Kellen Mond pick I’d be singing a different tune. You should’ve picked Kellen Mond. Kellen Mond.

In all seriousness, I just don’t really see a path to starting. The only reason it’s not an F is because he actually does need a QB.

Power Rank: D

3.08 – The WrightPatt ChairForce

Kellen Mond – QB – Minnesota Vikings

Kirk Cousins might be moving on in 2 years, thank god nobody drafted Kellen Mond yet.

Grade: A

3.09 – Fairborn Fuckboys

Anthony Schwartz – WR – Cleveland Browns

May be a little hard to see the field with the relatively little passing volume on this offense and two (probably 3) WRs in front of him on the depth chart. But, he’s got 3rd round draft investment and he’s fast as fuck. That said, WR isn’t that big of a need. I think at this point in the draft it’s okay to reach for need if the opportunity is there. Shoulda went and got himself a kitty.

Grade: B-

3.10 – Dayton Doughboys

Jermar Jefferson – RB – Detroit Lions

Drafted in the 7th round to an already crowded backfield. Kerryon will be gone after this year, and Jamaal Williams might be gone in 2 years. This is pretty much an injury lottery pick. Emphasis on the lottery.

Grade: D

3.11 – The WrightPatt ChairForce

Khalil Herbert – RB – Chicago Bears

6th round pick joining Tarik Cohen, who will be back from an ACL tear, and David Montgomery, who has shown he can be a 3 down back. I expect him to take the place of Cordarelle Patterson, aka, “3rd and 5 up the middle for -2 yards”. Another lottery pick, although not as shitty as Zers. Fuck you Zer.

Grade: C+

3.12 – Dayton Doughboys

Elijah Mitchell – RB – San Franciso 49ers

Well Shanahan said he can’t guarantee that people will be alive in the future, so probably one of the better injury lotteries. Well that and apparently Shanahan used a monkeys paw to make a wish to have good RB performance because no one can fucking stay healthy. If Jeffery Willson Jr, Raheem Moster, and Matt Brieda can have legitimate upside, then so can Elijah Mitchell I guess. Fuck it, everyone is a competant RB.

Grade: C

3.13 – St. Henry Scallywags

Pooka Williams – RB – Cincinnati Bengals

UDFA. Joe Mixon. Can’t really say anyone behind Mixon is guaranteed touches so, I guess there’s a shot.

Power Rank: C+

3.14 – Anna Apollos

Jaret Patterson – RB – Washington Football Team

A small UDFA RB to a situation with the obvious RB1 and a bunch of cannon fodder behind him. The Apollos don’t even need a RB. Maybe he was drafted because of the 409 yards and 8 TD game he had. I don’t know.

Grade: C-

4.01 – The Burrow of Brooklyn

Tre’ McKitty  – TE – Los Angeles Chargers

Good longer term prospect. Jared Cook came to town but only has a one year contract and Hunter Henry just left. With a 3rd round draft investment, this is some nice fucking value in the 4th round. Will it work out? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.

Grade: A

4.02 – West Carrollton Wimps

Tylan Wallace – WR – Baltimore Ravens

4th round WR pick in an offense that uses a RB as a QB. There’s a lot of competition for few targets, and I think Bateman and Andrews will be drinking up everyone’s milkshake.

Grade: D+

4.03 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Larry Rountree – RB – Los Angeles Chargers

This mother fucker doesn’t have a d in his name, probably because he gave it to your mother. Austin Ekeler and Justin Jackson have been good and aren’t getting subplanted.

Grade: D

4.04 – St. Henry Scallywags

Seth Williams – WR – Denver Broncos

Courtland Sutton is THE alpha on this team and Jerry Juedy still has something left to show. That said, this dude is still 6’3”. Even if that’s drafted in the 6th round, I’ll take a shot on that every time.

Power Rank: A

4.05 – Gahanna Gargoyles

Cornell Powell – WR – Kansas City Chiefs

It’s Tyreek Hill and then a bunch of zoomers that have already shown they aint shit, except fast. There is a space to carve out, not sure how big it is though since none of his measurables really pop out.

Grade: B

4.06 – Dayton Doughboys

Dez Fitzpatrick – WR – Tennessee Titans

Damn son. A fourth round pick that got drafted into a team that just vacated 157 targets between Corey Davis and Jonnu Smith. Granted, Josh Reynolds also just got there. But still, in the middle of the 4th round that’s a fucking steal dude.

Grade: A+

4.07 – Anna Apollos

Kylen Granson – TE – Indianapolis Colts

Mo Alie-Cox and Jack Doyle are still here. But by the time he (possibly) develops, both of them could be gone. A wee bit on the small side of tight ends too.

Grade: C

4.08 – Chickasaw Chafed Chodes

Shi Smith – WR – Carolina Panthers

Not sure this 6th round pick is gonna see much action between DJ Moore, Robby Anderson, and 3rd round pick Terrace Marshall Jr.

Grade: C-

4.09 – Fairborn Fuckboys

Hunter Long – TE – Miami Dolphins

Tight end is definitely a need, but at the back of the 4th round it’s gonna be pretty hard to find one that can contribute. With Mike Jizz icki in the way, it might be tough to get any significant time.

Grade: B-

4.10 – Oakwood Golden Gods

Sage Surratt – WR – Detroit Lions

Lions WR room is a whos who of cast offs from other teams… and Amon Ra St. Brown. Doesn’t get better than that for a UDFA.

Grade: B+

4.11 – Cassella Cucks

Josh Palmer – WR – Los Angeles Chargers

Palmer fetched decent draft capital and lands with the Chargers, where he will fight for a starting role in 2021. Furthermore, teammate Mike Williams gets injured every time he looks at a football field and is a FA at the end of the season.

Grade: A-

4.12 – Centerville Cheekburgers

Tommy Tremble – TE – Carolina Panthers

Well Ian Thomas sucks, and Dan Arnold is also pretty meh. Don’t know that there are many targets to go around though with CMC, DJ Moore, Robby Anderson, and Terrace Marshall Jr., plus he’s an inline TE.

Grade: D

4.13 – Fairborn Fuckboys

Demetric Felton – RB – Cleveland Browns

Gadget player that doesn’t really have space to get in at either WR or RB. Omg I’m almost done

Grade: C-

4.14 – Oakwood Golden Gods

Marquez Stevenson – WR – Buffalo Bills

Mr. Irrelevant gets an irrelevant grade, because I give up thinking about people that will be dropped in a year

Grade: S+