’22 Trade Deadline Primer

Written by: Dat Boi Fuzz

Week 7 is over, which means we are halfway through the fantasy regular season! With the playoff picture coming into focus and the Week 12 trade deadline looming, trade talks around the league are due to start heating up. This is an overview on who I think are the buyers, sellers, holders, and wildcards of Shadynastys at this point, as well as the players most likely to be on the move.

As always, if you disagree with my assessment, all complaints can be sent to meatspin.com. Happy shopping, gentlemen.

Buyers

Minutemen: 1st 7-0 (Max PPF 1st @ 1038)

Clearly the top dog of the league. The Minutemen don’t have any glaring holes in the roster nor many expendable assets to trade, but being so close to the title for a third straight year may have Jerry pushing the rest of his draft capital out the door for a couple extra win-now pieces. Shame that he has to pay a contender tax, though.

Needs: Third QB, RB depth


Scallywags: 2nd 5-2 (Max PPF 2nd @ 974)

The Dan Snyder of Shadynastys (I kid, I kid), Brandon once again finds himself firmly in the playoff race. The turd in the punchbowl of this roster remains the second QB spot. Brissett should lose his job right as the fantasy playoffs start, while Wentz and Heinicke may both be riding the bench to end the year for a tanking Washington team. This team still has plenty of draft capital, and a splashy move could put the Scallywags right up in the top tier with Jerry.

Needs: QB, WR


Wimps: 5th 4-3 (Max PPF 6th @ 922)

The team with the most draft capital and the least depth. Two early 1sts and two late 1sts in the coming draft should be plenty enticing to potential sellers. Expect the Wimps to shop those picks hard in an effort to win their second straight title.

Needs: QB, TE, depth

Sellers

Bukakke: 10th 3-4 (Max PPF 10th @ 842)

This team can still make a playoff push if they wanted, but after a slow start, the Bukakke could be open to sell off their aging assets and look towards contending next year. Owning their own 1st helps make that an alluring strategy, as well as the fact that so few other teams seem to want to tank their max PPF. The 1.04 may be out of reach unless Nick can sneak into the playoffs, but switching to tank mode now may help secure the 1.05 for Brent in a loaded class. The Bukakke mostly need to reload at WR, as Hopkins, Thomas, Ridley, Thielen, and Golladay all have been unproductive and are reaching that scary age cliff.

Assets: (WRs listed above), Antonio Gibson, Nyheim Hines, Evan Engram


Apollos: 13th 0-7 (Max PPF 12th @ 687)

The rebuild is going strong in Anna, but I think some criticism is in order. Owning your own 1st for the next three years is critical in a tank, so good job there. But this roster is still holding too many volatile assets. Cam Akers is the biggest example; someone who is young and highly drafted, and yet still capable of cratering in value. Same goes for Goff and Garappolo. These players should have been off the roster by now in exchange for assets that never go down in value: draft capital. And if Eric had traded them earlier in the season, his team might be projected for a top two pick right now. Luckily, there’s still time to fully commit to the tank and offload these risky assets before the deadline.

Assets: Jared Goff, Jim Garappolo, Alex Mattison, Dalton Shultz, Tyler Higbee


Wichsers: 14th 0-7 (Max PPF 14th @ 636)

There aren’t many assets here, and sadly they do not own their own 1st this year, but this is another team that is clearly in a rebuild and is years away from contention. It might behoove Darren to also sell some of his young players for multiple 1sts in order to avoid these assets going bust. If you don’t believe me, just look at the Doughboys.

Assets: Jameis Winston, Chris Olave, George Pickens, Gus Edwards

Wildcards

Burrow of Brooklyn: 7th 4-3 (Max PPF 7th @ 879)

Shadynastys’ most enigmatic team. Wins over the Chairforce, Golden Gods, Cheekburgers, and Bukakke have left the rest of the league with their jaws on the floor, and have Squirt in the playoff hunt. This team has multiple young stars and all of their picks over the next three drafts. But no one would consider the current roster a true contender.

So what are the Brooklyn’s going to do? Squirt is perhaps our least active owner (along with Nick), and does not have a history of making big trades. Will Squirt continue to shock us this year and make a big splash to aquire some vets to make a push? Your guess is as good as mine.

Needs: QB, TE, high-level Flex

Assets: Picks, Desmond Ridder, Malik Willis


Golden Gods: 8th 4-3 (Max PPF 5th @ 926)

If this were anyone else’s roster, the Golden Gods old-ass team would be in the seller category. But this roster belongs to an impulsive Caleb, who traded his next two 1sts in packages for Miles Sanders and *gulp* Baker Mayfield. That leaves the Golden Gods in a tricky spot, as tanking would benefit other teams more than themselves. And yet, with players like Adams, Elliott, Ekeler, Mostert, this team is still squarely in the playoff race, so you might as well go for it. Right?

Needs: QB, reliable WR2

Assets: Zeke, Mostert, Chase Edmonds, ???


Gargoyles: 11th 3-4 (Max PPF 11th @ 720)

Another team that should probably be a seller but are missing their next two 1sts. Jalen Hurts and Geno Smith have kept this team from the basement, but there is not enough talent here for Nick to think he has a real chance this year without some major moves. This team is in no-man’s-land right now, and should probably either commit to a rebuild or trade some of these assets for a couple of vets, especially an RB2 behind Swift. I have no idea what the Gargoyles are going to do, but standing pat looks like the worst option in my eyes.

Needs: RB, his picks back

Assets: Geno Smith, Tyler Lockett, Amari Cooper, two mid-late ’23 1sts


Doughboys: 12th 1-6 (Max PPF 13th @ 645)

It’s been the year from hell for the Doughboys. I’m not even going to try to list all the ways this season has gone sideways for this team. With no 1st round pick this year, and no hope of making the playoffs, I have no idea what this team should do. Common sense would put this young team in the Hold category, but this is Justin Franzer we’re talking about. Buy, sell, it doesn’t matter. The Doughboys are going to be looking for value wherever they can find it before the trade deadline passes and Zer’s seasonal depression kicks in.

Needs: High-level QB & RB

Assets: Tons of young players, picks

Holding

Cheekburgers: 3rd 5-2 (Max PPF 3rd @ 964)

This team is an interesting mix of young and old players, solid depth, and little draft capital. Jim is not afraid to trade away his picks for vets, but he’s running low on picks and his older players (Henry, Jones, Stafford, Ertz) could fall of a cliff sooner than he would like. I expect this team to ride out their vets for a title push this year, and to start considering a quick rebuild around the younger players in the off-season.


Chafed Chodes: 4th 5-2 (Max PPF 8th @ 861)

I wouldn’t be surprised to see this team be a buyer and try to capitalize on their hot start, but Breece Hall going down for the year likely ended any notions of making a title push this year. The Chodes have no aging vets to move and plenty of draft capital to play with over the off-season, and I don’t see any drastic moves coming from them before the deadline.


Chairforce: 6th 4-3 (Max PPF 4th @ 927)

The Chairforce aren’t quite all in for this year, as they still own most of their picks for ’24 and beyond. Still, this old-ass team is producing at a high level, and with so many key pieces sitting near the age cliff, I’m not sure it makes sense to mortgage the entire future for this one year. Especially with how dominant the Minutemen have been. This team could still be a buyer, but I expect Logger to stand pat and let this current team ride out the year.


Cucks: 9th 4-3 (Max PPF 9th @ 860)

Outside of both Waller and Kmet going bust and Dak getting injured early, this year has gone about as expected for the Cucks. The roster has plenty of talent and just need to (finally) get hot together at the right time. Siegrist prefers to keep his picks so he can stay invested during the off-season, so I don’t expect any major moves before the deadline. Time will tell if that’s a mistake, but if he can get to the title game without giving up all his draft capital? There could be no sweeter victory.