2022 Final Power Rankings and Regular Season Review
The regular season is coming to an end, and the playoff picture is beginning to become clear. Before we enter the postseason, let’s take a minute to step back and reflect on this past year while unveiling the final power rankings of 2022.
#1. Mason Minutemen (Preseason Rank = #1)
PF: 1627 (1st)
PA: 1348 (8th)
The preseason favorite Mason Minutemen are riding into the playoffs with a wide margin at #1 in Points For this year. This team was a clear juggernaut going into 2022 with a stacked starting roster that somehow never seems to encounter any long-term/major injuries, which may just be the catalyst to winning their first Shadynasty’s championship.
HOWEVER… the cracks in this team are beginning to show. Russell Wilson has been abysmal since landing in Denver, and some of the other staple vets (lookin at you, Mike Evans and Alvin Kamara) are seeing regression.
The Minutemen were silent at the trade deadline – which could have been a critical mistake. This team has a few key assets that are getting old, and it may have been wise to have made a few moves and boost their title chances in 2022.
#2. The WrightPatt ChairForce (Preseason Rank = #3)
PF: 1497 (4th)
PA: 1248 (13th)
Speaking of “win-now” teams, the ChairForce recognized early on that their chances for a ‘ship are quickly dwindling. This team possesses an average player age of 29.38 YEARS OLD!!! Their 2022 story begins all the way back in July, when they went out and acquired Tom Brady and Dalvin Cook. As the season went on and their playoff hopes were becoming a reality, General Manager Major Chairman decided to make one last splash move and brought in Deandre Hopkins and Adam Thielin.
This squad is loaded with high-end (albeit, old) talent and perhaps just enough depth to weather a few injuries. But the real question still remains… is having three Kirk Cousins at QB enough to win a championship?
#3. Cassella Cucks (Preseason Rank = #6)
PF: 1456 (6th)
PA: 1414 (3rd)
After a disappointing 2021 campaign that was characterized by some as an “Ass Blasting™️”, the Cassella Cucks have begun to turn things around, and – as of late – they’ve gotten pretty hot, putting up back to back weeks of more than 130 points.
Although this is an encouraging trend, the Cucks season falls entirely on week 14, needing one final win (or some other fuckery to occur) to secure their spot in the playoffs. They’ve had a tough schedule leading up to this point, and may be primed to make a run if they can make it to the dance.
#4. The Burrow of Brooklyn (Preseason Rank = #11)
PF: 1492 (5th)
PA: 1169 (14th)
One of the more fascinating teams in this league is run by a GM that operates in silence, like some sort of Dynasty FF Ninja (An actual statistic: Squirt has only sent 18 TOTAL messages in chat since we started this league!). Just last year, The Burrow of Brooklyn was a team in despair. They weren’t making trades. Transactions on the wire were few and far between. People were asking, “How in the world will this organization ever improve?” and, “Yo, wtf squirt doin? Lmfao!”
After successful rookie drafts in back to back years, this team’s future is looking bright. They’ve clinched a playoff spot this season and still hold the majority of their draft capital over the next three years.
So I ask you this… is Squirt actually some sort of Dynasty genius? Can The Burrow of Brooklyn pull off the unthinkable and actually win a championship this year? Time will tell, but I know I, for one, am rooting for this Cinderella Story.
#5. Centerville Cheekburgers (Preseason Rank = #5)
PF: 1532 (2nd)
PA: 1348 (7th)
Here’s a bit of a surprise stat: An often overlooked team, the Centerville Cheekburgers, are actually the #1 team in league history for overall win percentage (67%)! It’s no surprise then, to see them once again in the hunt for a playoff position, after back to back appearances in ’20/’21.
While their path to the playoffs is clear – win and they’re in – there is still a chance that their post season appearance streak comes to an end this week. The Cheekburgers have got to be hoping this is their year, as the future of this team seems to be slowly trending in the wrong direction.
#6. St Henry Scallywags (Preseason Rank = #7)
PF: 1515 (3rd)
PA: 1385 (6th)
After being issued a mid-season suspension from MeatSpin.com for violating Article 6.09 (“No being a whiny little bish”) in the Shadynasty’s Owners Agreement, the Scallywags are back!
People have been saying that this team should tank for the past two seasons, yet the Scallywags have proven that they still have some gas in the tank, and have once again locked up a playoff spot.
I have no idea how to project this team for the playoffs. It has some good pieces, but the rest of the roster seems to be held together with old bubblegum and used popsicle sticks. At the end of the day, “Just win, baby”.
#7. Chickasaw Chafed Chodes (Preseason Rank = #10)
PF: 1296 (11th)
PA: 1316 (10th)
The Chafed Chodes are an up and coming team, and were noted early on as being one that could surprise some people this season. Their young roster is filled with potential that has already started to become realized.
A fairly soft schedule led this organization to a winning record, and their playoff dreams were sparked. In order to solidify their standing within the league, the Chafed Chodes hit the market and ended up trading for Saquon Barkely and Matt Ryan. This appeared to be a good move, yet this squad has gone cold since, and have officially been eliminated from playoff contention.
#8. Oakwood Golden Gods (Preseason Rank = #8)
PF: 1395 (7th)
PA: 1278 (12th)
Speaking of old bubblegum and used popsicle sticks…
The Golden Gods are beginning to look more like the Silver… *not* Gods. They may be middle of the road for points for this season, but this team is seeming a bit lackluster, and age is quickly becoming a factor. The playoff hopes are certainly still alive, but this doesn’t look like a team that will compete for a ‘ship this year.
#9. Gahanna Gargoyles (Preseason Rank = #13)
PF: 1329 (9th)
PA: 1325 (9th)
The Gargoyles embraced a pseudo-tank this preseason after trading away Dalvin Cook, Saquon Barkley, and Tom Brady. The combination of those three superstars essentially netted the Gargoyles three 1st rounders over the next two years. This isn’t terrible value, but it does seem like they could have squeezed (squozed?) the league for more capital.
Their sights are surely set on 2023, but I’d like to ask a quick theoretical question… would this have been a locked in playoff team had they kept Barkley/Cook/Brady? Would we be looking at a top 4 team?
#10. Dayton Doughboys (Preseason Rank = #9)
PF: 1148 (12th)
PA: 1301 (11th)
The Dayton Doughboys got a little taste of some Ass Blasting™️ this season. Things started off poorly for them, and seemed to be getting worse as the season progressed. They’ve made some pretty saavy moves, acquiring young talent along the way, including Rachaad White, Tua Totallynotgonnaspellthisright, Jordan Love, and Jalen Reagor (lol).
The back half of the season has been much better for the Doughboys, and they’re beginning to see some of their young talent blossom into weekly contributors.
#11. West Carrollton Wimps (Preseason Rank = #2)
PF: 1299 (10th)
PA: 1387 (5th)
Raise your hand if the Wimps sent you an offer this season involving Deebo or Trestan Ebener! Damn, it’s looking like a DJ Khaled concert in here.
This team has done an excellent job of acquiring draft capital and ascending assets over the past couple of seasons. It looked like they had all the ammunition they needed to make a huge run in 2022 and take home another title. But, after a couple of setbacks, the Wimps decided to waive the white flag and continue to pick up more picks for the 2023 draft.
#12. Belmont Bukkake (Preseason Rank = #4)
PF: 1341 (8th)
PA: 1454 (2nd)
Death, taxes, and the Belmont Bukkake getting Ass Blasted™️. At one point in time, this team was looking like it had a foundation in place for multiple years of success. Life comes at you fast – especially if you’re a WR that’s more than 27 years old.
A soft rebuild is in the works, and there is a slight possibility that this team turns things around soon.
#13. Anna Apollos (Preseason Rank = #12)
PF: 1048 (13th)
PA: 1477 (1st)
The Anna Apollo’s have more Tight Ends than a Los Angeles CrossFit gym. This team has done an excellent job of completely wrecking their Max PF, and is projected to have two early picks in ’23 to go along with four total in ’24.
#14. Wiesbaden Wichsers (Preseason Rank = #14)
PF: 890 (14th)
PA: 1414 (4th)
After moving their team to Germany in the off-season, the Wichsers were hoping it would be the fresh start they needed to turn things around.
They had a pretty nice draft in ’22, but this squad is still largely devoid of much talent and will need to hit on multiple draft picks if they want to become relevant in 2023.